Archive for March, 2012

IT’S TIME FOR A LIST OF STUFF TO BUY WHEN YOU’RE RICH!

[ 0 ] March 30, 2012 |

Oh, Hi.  This is kind of awkward.  I mean, in only a few short hours, I’m going to be a multi-gazillionaire thanks to Mega-Million.  I really do hate to rub it in and all, but…it’s kind of hard not too, when you are almost as rich as I am about to be.  I think that I should probably start using smarter sounding words and articulating better – Especially, If I’m going to be having brunch with Oprah and our BFF Gayle tomorrow to celebrate my new-found wealth and discuss our favorite books, and such.  I guess I’ll be doing a lot more brunches from here on out, and I’ll probably be saying words like “darling” with a British Accent.  I should probably get a jump on hiring a  man-servant and pool boy too.  It’s going to be exhausting finding ways to spend all of that money.  Whatever will I buy?

Number One:  Pinkberry:

I will first, build myself a state of the art yogurt freezer, with an alarm to protect from thievery.  Then, I shall procure all of the Pinkberry recipes ever made.  After which, I’ll employ seven male twenty-something body builders, to cultivate said frozen yogurt, and of course, spoon feed it to me on demand.  It will be heavenly.  (maniacal laugh….maniacal laugh…maniacal laugh….).  No seriously, if you don’t live in a state with Pinkberry, I encourage you to put a “For Sale” sign outside of your house immediately and start packin’.  It’s to die for.  Literally…no.  Not really literally.

Number Two:  Fancy Hats

Since I’ll be eating brunch in excess, I’ll need plenty of fancy hats to show off my new regal-ness.  I figure the tinier the hat the better .  I mean, if I’m going to say “pass the pate’”, I’ll need to be wearing an itty-bitty headpiece.  It’s the only way I’ll be taken seriously.  I’m thinkin’ something like this one available on Etsy via Order & Abandon for $125 bucks.  What do you think?

 

Number Three:  Lego Mindstorms Robot:

Even though I’ll be richer, and have men drooling at my feet, I will remain married to my scientist, because I love him, he looks hot in a lab coat, and well, because he can  probably build me a robot.  I shall name my robot “George Jetson” and will teach him to comb my hair, shave my legs and brush my teeth.  On holidays, we will “do the robot” while dancing to classical jazz.  Eventually, George will learn how to change the kitty litter box and fold laundry.

Number Four:  Socks (from the Sock Club, duh):

According to our Sock Scientist the average American needs a replacement pair of socks every month.”  Ok, then.  Since I will be a multi-mazillionare, I will order 30-$9 dollar sock subscriptions so that I get a brand new pair of socks to wear every day for 1 year.  I will then hire a seamstress to fashion my used up socks into a freaking enormous sock monkey.  I’m a richy-pants.  Why wouldn’t I?

Number Five:  The “F” Word

Because I’ll be quoting literature incessantly while smoking long cigarettes, I’ll acquire this handy magnetic poetry kit so that when I have company over for dinner parties and soirees,  I can appear to be both educated and hip to jive, slang talk.

Of course, this will happen too (wish #1).

Alright, see ya later.  I can’t believe I’m winning the lottery tonight.  I’m awesome.  Happy Friday!

(disclaimers)

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I’M A FLOOZY FOR MY FOODZIE.

[ 0 ] March 29, 2012 |

Me again.  Remember when I just told you, I’d be blasting you with updates today since I’ve been uber-busy becoming a new home owner?  Well, I was serious.  Here’s the latest on my Foodzie Box love.  You can learn all about this insanely awesome food box subscription in my previous posts:

Someone Fed Water to My Foodzie Box

The Food Has Arrived

I won’t lie.  When it comes to scrumpdiddallyumptious treats for my belly, I’m a total floozy, with super loose morals.  I get so intoxicated by the treats my Foodzie pals send me each month (at a small cost of $29 bucks a pop), that I completely forgot to post my goodie-lists from December, January, February AND March.  Whatever, I was probably in a food coma or something.  Either way, below are the boxes I’ve received as of late.  Note that this is particularly torturous because I’m on this dumb diet and can’t have anything awesome.  Ok, here goes.  Mangia!

P.S.  If you sign up for Foodzie (it’s free), I’m 99% sure you can reap the INSANE discounts on all of the products I’m about to jones-on.  I put a “find em: here” link, just in case you want to check out the other great products these food making foolios make.

The circa Dec. 2011 “Stocking Stuffer Favorites” box was utterly snacktastic! Here’s what we got:

Butter Crunch from p.o.p. candy in Santa Monica, CA:  If I could eat this as my only source of food for the rest of my life I would.  It was that good.  Find it:  here

Blueberry Acai Gummies from Bissinger’s in St. Louis, MO:  I haven’t quite gotten into the Acai craze.  In fact we tried a cleanse with it once and it was the worst.  But, I will say that these yummy gummie Pandas were absolutely delish.  And, I mean, they are pandas.  Awesome.  Find it:  here

Old Fashioned Butterscotch Candy from Zeke’s Candy in Cedarville, Ga:  YUMMO. Find it:  here

Chocolate Sun Cups from Seth Ellis Chocolatier in Boulder, CO:  I would love to tell you how fab these were, but my husby thought it would be fun to eat all of them without letting me try one.  I’m thinkin’ that means they were great!  Find it:  here

Florentines from Clarine’s Florentines in Berkley, CA:  I honestly don’t remember eating these.  It could have been because I demolished them in like 4 seconds flat.  Either that, or they never saw my lips because they saw the man’s belly first. hmmmm.  Find it:  here

Sesame Ginger Popcorn from 479 Popcorn in San Fran, CA:  Popcorn+Ginger=my soul mate.  Loved em’.  Find it:  here

Put Your Money on Honey” Caramels from Droga Confections in San Fran, CA:  Shout out to San Fran for the go od stuff!  I/We loved these.  Blogged about them here.

This “Jump Start Your New Year” box could not have come at a better time.

Pacific Sea Salt & Cinnamon Crunch from Somersaults in Sausalito, CA:  These are so tasty!  I even got a bag of them in my Birthday gift bag from my love ;)   Find em’:  here (and also at Wholefoods).

Sea Salt & Nibs Bar from Madecasse in San Francisco, CA:  I adore chocolate & salt teamed up in a bar.  find it:  here

Sun-Ripened Pu’er Tea from Five Mountains in San Fran, CA:  Haven’t tried this rich, dark Tea yet.    find it:  here

Quite Cheesy Kale Krunch from Alive & Radiant in Emeryville, CA:  This was actually quite appetizing, despite the fact that it was probably the home to an Octopus before it hit my lips.  AND, it really does taste cheesy, but guess what?  No cheese!  Find it:  here

Vanilla Blueberry Energy Bar from Bearded Brothers in Austin, TX:  LOVE the packaging and texture of this chewy bar made with organic dates, almonds and bloobs.  In fact, I just put them on my “to order” list.  Find em’:  here

Extra Virgin Coconut Oil from Kelapo in Tampa, FL:  find it: here  I’m on a HUGE Coconut Oil kick right now, so this was used up right away!  I’m ingesting it, and applying it to my skin and hair topically and the results are A-mazing.  We’re also cooking with it in place of other oils.  I’ll be bloggin’ about my experiences with it soon.  Until then, read about it here via Jenna Marbles blog (or here, if you want the censored version).

Roasted Almonds from Stackhouse Orchards in Hickman, CA:  Um, if you don’t like almonds you’re weird.  Unless your allergic, and then you’re not weird.  If you find em’:  let me know.  I can’t find em.

The smoochy-lovebird box (aka, the “Movie Night Box”) from Feb is what turned me on to my new obsession:

Heirloom Popcorn from Tiny But Mighty in Shellsburg, IA:  I love fresh popped corn so much that I asked for (and received) a beautiful red air popper, which I use all the time.  These itty bitty poplets are TO DIE FOR.  No seriously, I would probably throw myself  in a piranha tank for these babies.  True story – I just ordered 6 bags, but now have 8.  Funny story, but  more on that lates.  Find it:  here

ZZang! Bar Original from Zingerman’s in Ann Arbor, MI:  I haven’t tried this guy yet due to the dumb diet of 12′.  Find it:  here

Black Ace Red licorice from Moon Dance Baking in Rohnert Park, CA:  We ate these in one sitting.  Probably the reason why a diet was necessary.  They were divine.  Find em’:  here

The Lovelies from Droga Confections in San Francisco, CA:  Hey!  I just realized that these guys are the same dudes that make my favey “Money on the Honey” chocolates I just mentioned!  Neat.  Flavory cali raisins with dark E. Guittard chocolate coating.  Reason #2 for diet.  Find em’:  here

Chai Cola from Taylor’s Tonic in Santa Cruz, CA:  surprisingly palatable given that its black tea based.  Actually, almost tasted like a normal soda-pop!  Find it:  here

Peanut Butter Cups from joycup in Coyucos, CA:  Although I can’t confirm or deny this, but I’m pretty sure the man I married, ate these up before I tasted them too.  Find yours (before your better half eats it up without sharing): here

Gummy Bears from Surf Sweets in Wheeling, IL:  “Gummy Bears!  Bouncing here, and there, and everywhere…” – Remember that show?  These, as are all gummy-esque candies, were heavenly.  Find em:  here.  Hang ten.  Letter’ rip.

And lastly, but certainly not least (since I am lucky enough to get a Foodzie box every single month!), the “Brooklyn Box”, inclusive of all things made in the city with the famous bridge.  Most of these have not been tasted yet, FYI.

Beer Truffles from Nanu Chocolates:   Find them:  here

Bacon Fat Old Bay Peanuts from Ovenly:  The fact that this has the words “bacon” and “fat” make these the best peanuts ever made, ever…forever.  Find them:  here

Organic Dried Mangos from Peeled Snacks.  I’m basically addicted to these, in all varieties.  In fact, I just ordered $50 bucks worth so that I can nosh on them daily, as part of my snack.  Read all about that, here.  And find these:  here.  I’m pretty sure if you get these, you will be addicted and insane about them, like moi.

“The King” Bar from Liddabit Sweets:  Fun name alert!  I wanna eat this now, and might possibly quit my diet for these peanut butter nougat, banana ganache & brown sugar butter cookies housed by milk chocolate.  Find yours: here.

Red Onion Rosemary Crackers from Z Crackers:   These were absolutely luscious with roasted red pepper humus (which, by the way, I never tasted in my life until last week and now I get the shakes if I don’t have it.  Strange. ).  Find em’:  here

 Farmhand’s Choice Granola from Early Bird Granola:  You know what they say, about the “early bird getting the worm”…um, yeah. I lost where I was goin with that one.  Either way, Granola is the grooviest.  You should get some.  Find it:  here

And that’s that.


 
(disclaimers)

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IS IT WEIRD THAT I CRADLE MY BIRCHBOX SOMETIMES?

[ 1 ] March 29, 2012 |

Greetings and Salutations (quick, what movie is that from??).   Sorry for the recent high-aye-tus.  Get it.  HIGH…hiatus….five-style-high….forget it.  I’m lame.  I’ve been off with the hubby buying a lil’ piece of property.  Also known as “buying our first home” which is both stressful and exhilarating at he same time.  Thankfully, we just got our final approval and are now moving.  In 2 weeks.  Yeah.   You might not hear too much from me until that beast is put to bed and we are comfy in our new digs.

Anyway, I’m way behind in my monthly awesome box of nifty delivery updates so I’m just gonna basically blast you with 3 back to back.  We’ll start with my fiance’ the Birchbox.

Anything and everything you need to know about this phenomenally packaged beauty box subscription is found in some previous posts written by yours truly:

The Love Story Continues…

Yes, Birchbox.  I will Marry You.

 If you wanna get a monthly Birchbox subscription for only $10 per month, which would make you just as awesome as me and about 5 bazillion other lucky ladies, click here. It’s totally fun and totally worth it.  Totally.  Totes.  Now on to the goodies from February and March:

Benta Berry (G-1 Moisturizing Face Cream):  Haven’t tried this yet.  Packaging is nifty.  I like the font.  Find it:  here

Colorescience pro (glow and go Travel Puff):  I’m in love we these lil’ travel packets.  These went straight to the purse.  Find it:  here

Eye Rock (Designer Liner):  These are so fun, although I’m waiting to rock em’ until I have a trendy event to attend..or Halloween.  Whichever comes first.  Find it:  here

LA Fresh (Eco-Beauty Waterproof Makeup Remover):  More fun packets!  Love em’.  In my pocket-book, my satchel and my knapsack.  Just kidding.  They are in my purse.  Find it:  here

The Lifestyle Extra for Feb.  was a cute, heart-shaped nail file.  They also threw in a Birchbox Digital Download for 6 free Green River Ordinance songs.  I’ll be honest, I didn’t listen to the songs until, well now.  I’m listening as I type.  If you dig emo-esque indie rock, these guys are right up your ally.  I’m “in-like” with them.  Not quite love…but we could possibly get there with time.

I have to say I was the most excited for my March box, so far.  When I opened it, it had so many fun goodies!  Here’s what my “Spring Training” box included:

Deborah Lippman (The Stripper to Go):  Um.  Yes.  Double Yes to another awesome packet of “on the go” beauty must have’s for my purse.  LOVE. Find it:  here.

Miss Jessie’s Original (Quick Curls):  So this was the most exciting to me because it was a really good size sample (I would consider it a full size if there wasn’t an actual “full-size” version).  Sadly, it didn’t work too well in my hair.  I mean, if I was goin’ for the dreadlocks look, I’d be irie-mon.  I will give it another try again and maybe not use as much.  I just personally thought it was sticky and the next morning when I woke up, I was a dread-head.  poop.  Find it:  here.

One Love Organics (Skin Savior Waterless Beauty Balm):  There’s that word I hate again.  Balm.  I f-ing HATE that word, but this product is absolutely scrumptious. Well, it’s not like I ate it or anything, but it’s so darn cute, I almost couldn’t resist from giving it a lick.  It’s actually a 2-in-1 cleanser/moisturizer.  I have no idea how to use it.  Not sure if it’s for my face, foot, hot-bod or what.  But, I’m most-def gonna give er’ a go and let you know what I think.  Find it: here  UPDATE:  Here’s why I’m an idiot.  I just happened to actually read the write-up that Birchbox provides at point of purchase for their products and there are the handy-dandy directions for how to apply and what it’s for.  Ha!  Who-da-thunk-it.

Peter Thomas Roth (Anti-aging Cleansing Gel):  Unfortch, I won’t be using this product. Only because I have recently found the BEST, hands down, cleanser that I’ve ever used in my life.  Don’t worry, I’m going to be totally bragging about it super-duper soon.  In the meantime, I’ll give you a hint, just in case your feelin’ Inspector-gadgety:  It’s in this post.  For those of you that want to know more about the Peter Thomas Roth Cleanser, find it: here.

Last, but certainly not least…we have the Stila (Smoky Eye Card):  Yippee!  Who doesn’t like a good, smokey-eye.  I know, that I do.  I particularly like when cards like this make it into my birchy-box because it gives me a little tutorial, which is a huge plus, since I’m oh-so-very cosmetically challenged.  I haven’t given this guy a try yet either – but I’m stoked to do so.  Love the color names:  Kitten (hee hee), Diamond lil and Ebony.  Find it (the full-size trio that is):  here.

Oh yes – the Lifestyle Extra in the March box, was Tea!  I loved the way the box smelled when I opened it up, thanks to Kusmi Tea (Detox Tea), which is a detoxifying blend of mate (what the?), Green tea, and Lemongrass.  yummy.  Find it: here.  The packaging is to die for cute!

P.S. I have been listening to the Green River Ordinance while typin’ away and went from “in-like” to “totally-diggin”.  Hooray!

(disclaimers)

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I’M BASICALLY OBSESSED..AND ALSO A GRANNY.

[ 5 ] March 21, 2012 |

Hello World! I write today, another year older (well, I guess not “officially” until 9 pm ish or so, but you get the idear).  Apparently 35 is EXACTLY “mid” thirties, which makes me pre-granny, I suppose.  I guess I should have some kids real soon or else I’ll totally miss out on my chance to be a M.I.L.F., which is pretty much the only reason to destroy my body with child birth. Just kiddin’.  Kids are awesome.

I thought about taking a bridge last night so I wouldn’t have to face 35 today, but then I realized if I did that, I’d totally miss out on the presents and all the awesome wishes that come with having a birthday.  Plus, 35 or not, my life is pretty amazing so in hindsight, the whole bridge idea was dumb.

Anyway, for my birthday, I have 2 wishes, which are each equally based upon my 2 new obsessions.

Wish/obsession #1:   Since I’m still kicking A-S-S at my “No Sweets for 4 weeks” plan, I’ve chosen to become obsessed with something entirely opposite of cupcakes.  Dried Fruit.  Yeah, I said it.  I want to marry/stalk/court/go out with/make out with/get a restraining order for Peeled Snacks.  Not only are they absolutely scrumptious, BUT they also do not make you fat and are a great source of gettin’ your fruit on, without having to go through the annoying task of peelin’ the fruit (Think oranges.  Annoying right?).  My birthday wish is that I would win $1 million dollars so that I can buy a 40 year supply and therefore never be fat  or have to peel a single fruit again.

I’ll start by purchasing 3,000 ”Fruit Picks Variety Packs“ available: here.  For $24 bucks you get 12 single-serving snacks including the “pine-4-pineapple”, “much-ado-about-Mango”, Banan-a-peel”, “Apricot-a-lot”, “Cherry-go-round” and “Apple-2-the-core”.  Can you say “2-gether-4-ever”?  I can.  Me and these.  2-gether-4-ever.

 Wish/obsession #2:  I don’t get how every 15-year-old on Facebook can take a picture of themselves in the bathroom and look like a super-model.  What is your secret?  How do you do this?  Do you have a special course or class I can take, and if so, how much does it cost?  I’m willing to amputate my left arm, and maybe even my right one too, if you can help me look that awesome. Because, when I do it, all I end up with is this:

See what I’m sayin?

Happy holidays!

(disclaimers)

 

 

 

 

 

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ITS TIME FOR A LIST OF SAINT PATTYS SURVIVAL STUFF!!

[ 0 ] March 16, 2012 |

Oh, St. Patty’s day.  How many times I made you my bi-atch, and the following day, you made me yours.  The day always started the same:  shots for breakfast and feelin’ like this freaking hilarious Saint Patty’s dog  by 9 am.  The hours would unfold one by one in a debauturously classless shit-show (don’t even try saying that drunk), fully equipped with the “most amazing” parade, which was only “the most amazing” because I was already wasted.

By the end of the afternoon, I had acquired 17 beaded necklaces, a glow stick, someone’s floppy hat and a new sock.  I had been drunk and hung over (twice) and had already fell back off the wagon, which drove me straight to my favorite bar, where I proceeded to “hunker down” until March 18th.  Oh, the memories.

This year I will be having the “married” version of Saint Patty’s celebration, which pretty much includes all of the above, plus 1 husband, minus all of the above, plus one couch and some beer.  Hope you have a fantastic time livin’ out your version this weekend! Here’s a couple of things to help you survive (because your 21 and drinking legally right?):

NUMBER 1.      A PROPER UNIFORM

 Everyone knows how imperative the St. Patty’s Day uniform is.  I mean, if you didn’t wear a shirt that confirms your irish-ness (or lack thereof) no one would get why your out celebrating with the rest of the world.  Make sure it’s green, and make sure it explains your plans for drinking, getting kissed, passing out, and/or finding a pot of gold.  Busted Tees has some good ones to inspire.  Find this one:  here (for around $20 gold coins).

NUMBER 2.      SOMETHIN’ TO CARRY YOUR LIQUIDS

Screw the sippy cups and beer hats with straws – if you really wanna make an impact – I’m talkin’ St. Patty’s day MVP - you’ll need to get yourself one of these.  Not only will you have the opportunity to hone your bartending skills and become WAY popular among your peers, you will also have a really great prop for the end of the night when you drank so much you feel like a Ghostbuster.    Further, you could use the whole “I’m a Ghostbuster” idea when you’re convincing the cops that you’re only distributing green water and not serving alcohol without a liquor license.  Obviously, I don’t endorse breakin’ the law or anything.  I’m just a blogger, trying to get my blog on.  Grab this one:  here (for $99 four-leaf clovers and one half of a four-leaf clover).

NUMBER 3.      BEER GOGGLES

Duh.  This is the most obvious – as many of you are aware, the need for the common beer goggle crops up on other “holidays” as well, including, but not limited to Birthdays, Bachelor/Bachelorette Party’s, Super Bowl Sunday, Cinco De Mayo, President’s Day, Administrative Professionals Day and also, on your average Friday and/or Saturday night, and also sometimes on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays (but never on Tuesdays).  St. Patrick’s Day though, that is the biggest Beer Goggle night of the year, and these Timbuk2 Beer Goggles are just perfect, since they are also stylish and covert.  Dig the carrying case.  Find em’:  here (for 25 Euros)

NUMBER 4.     TRAVEL GAMES

You’re gonna cover a lot of ground on St. Patty’s so it’s best to have some travel games on hand to keep you occupied and dehydrated. There’s not much more I can say about this, other than if I ran into a group of people who were playing a game of Pong Head while waiting to get into a bar on St. Patty’s day, I would do 2 things:  #1  High-five them for being so awesome.  #2.  Steel it and run for my life.  Find yours:  Here (just find the end of the rainbow and grab 20 or so gold thingys out of that block pot and you’re covered)

NUMBER 5.     DECORATIONS FOR YOUR BEER MUSCLES

Everyone knows that if you have a tatoo, you are clearly a mean crazy biker dude/lady who can basically kick anyone’s ass.  So, because there is a 79% chance you’ll get into a fight on St. Patty’s day, you should probably make sure those beer muscles look just as tough as you think they are.  Tattoos are obviously the only way to do that and a tattoo that boasts your “irish heritage” makes you even tougher, on this most Irish of days.  Walk into any bar on March 17th with these babies on and I guarantee this song will play while you simultaneously beat up everyone in the bar.  After which you will all become BFF’s and get skunk-drunk together.     Irish Celtic Design Tattoo Sleeves Hurry up and get yours:  here (for $8 bucks).

Happy St. Patty’s to all.  Be smart, safe and have a blast ;) Oh, hey…before you get too crazy, don’t forget to enter this week’s giveaway*, for the chance to win a super-cool custom designed tote by InkHeart Custom Kicks & Caboodle.  Just click here.

(hilarious Saint Patty’s Dog via Sharenater)

(disclaimers)

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Starts at 12:01 a.m. ET on 3/14/12 and ends at 12:01 a.m. ET on 3/21/12. Open to legal residents of the 50 US and DC and the UK, 18 years or older at time of entry. Subject to official rules available below. Void in Northern Island, territories and possessions located outside of the 50 US, DC and UK and where prohibited or restricted by law. This sweepstakes is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by Facebook®, Google™, or Twitter®, or the prize manufacturers. You understand that you are providing your information to the blog five-style-high and not to Facebook®, Google™ or Twitter®, or the prize manufacturer. The information you provide will be used SOLELY for the purposes of selecting and notifying a prize winner, after which the information will be permanently deleted.

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