Archive for March 21st, 2012
Hello World! I write today, another year older (well, I guess not “officially” until 9 pm ish or so, but you get the idear). Apparently 35 is EXACTLY “mid” thirties, which makes me pre-granny, I suppose. I guess I should have some kids real soon or else I’ll totally miss out on my chance to be a M.I.L.F., which is pretty much the only reason to destroy my body with child birth. Just kiddin’. Kids are awesome.
I thought about taking a bridge last night so I wouldn’t have to face 35 today, but then I realized if I did that, I’d totally miss out on the presents and all the awesome wishes that come with having a birthday. Plus, 35 or not, my life is pretty amazing so in hindsight, the whole bridge idea was dumb.
Anyway, for my birthday, I have 2 wishes, which are each equally based upon my 2 new obsessions.
Wish/obsession #1: Since I’m still kicking A-S-S at my “No Sweets for 4 weeks” plan, I’ve chosen to become obsessed with something entirely opposite of cupcakes. Dried Fruit. Yeah, I said it. I want to marry/stalk/court/go out with/make out with/get a restraining order for Peeled Snacks. Not only are they absolutely scrumptious, BUT they also do not make you fat and are a great source of gettin’ your fruit on, without having to go through the annoying task of peelin’ the fruit (Think oranges. Annoying right?). My birthday wish is that I would win $1 million dollars so that I can buy a 40 year supply and therefore never be fat or have to peel a single fruit again.
I’ll start by purchasing 3,000 ”Fruit Picks Variety Packs“ available: here. For $24 bucks you get 12 single-serving snacks including the “pine-4-pineapple”, “much-ado-about-Mango”, Banan-a-peel”, “Apricot-a-lot”, “Cherry-go-round” and “Apple-2-the-core”. Can you say “2-gether-4-ever”? I can. Me and these. 2-gether-4-ever.
Wish/obsession #2: I don’t get how every 15-year-old on Facebook can take a picture of themselves in the bathroom and look like a super-model. What is your secret? How do you do this? Do you have a special course or class I can take, and if so, how much does it cost? I’m willing to amputate my left arm, and maybe even my right one too, if you can help me look that awesome. Because, when I do it, all I end up with is this:
See what I’m sayin?