ITS TIME FOR A LIST OF SAINT PATTYS SURVIVAL STUFF!!

[ 0 ] March 16, 2012 |

Oh, St. Patty’s day.  How many times I made you my bi-atch, and the following day, you made me yours.  The day always started the same:  shots for breakfast and feelin’ like this freaking hilarious Saint Patty’s dog  by 9 am.  The hours would unfold one by one in a debauturously classless shit-show (don’t even try saying that drunk), fully equipped with the “most amazing” parade, which was only “the most amazing” because I was already wasted.

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By the end of the afternoon, I had acquired 17 beaded necklaces, a glow stick, someone’s floppy hat and a new sock.  I had been drunk and hung over (twice) and had already fell back off the wagon, which drove me straight to my favorite bar, where I proceeded to “hunker down” until March 18th.  Oh, the memories.

This year I will be having the “married” version of Saint Patty’s celebration, which pretty much includes all of the above, plus 1 husband, minus all of the above, plus one couch and some beer.  Hope you have a fantastic time livin’ out your version this weekend! Here’s a couple of things to help you survive (because your 21 and drinking legally right?):

NUMBER 1.      A PROPER UNIFORM

 Everyone knows how imperative the St. Patty’s Day uniform is.  I mean, if you didn’t wear a shirt that confirms your irish-ness (or lack thereof) no one would get why your out celebrating with the rest of the world.  Make sure it’s green, and make sure it explains your plans for drinking, getting kissed, passing out, and/or finding a pot of gold.  Busted Tees has some good ones to inspire.  Find this one:  here (for around $20 gold coins).

NUMBER 2.      SOMETHIN’ TO CARRY YOUR LIQUIDS

Screw the sippy cups and beer hats with straws – if you really wanna make an impact – I’m talkin’ St. Patty’s day MVP - you’ll need to get yourself one of these.  Not only will you have the opportunity to hone your bartending skills and become WAY popular among your peers, you will also have a really great prop for the end of the night when you drank so much you feel like a Ghostbuster.    Further, you could use the whole “I’m a Ghostbuster” idea when you’re convincing the cops that you’re only distributing green water and not serving alcohol without a liquor license.  Obviously, I don’t endorse breakin’ the law or anything.  I’m just a blogger, trying to get my blog on.  Grab this one:  here (for $99 four-leaf clovers and one half of a four-leaf clover).

NUMBER 3.      BEER GOGGLES

Duh.  This is the most obvious – as many of you are aware, the need for the common beer goggle crops up on other “holidays” as well, including, but not limited to Birthdays, Bachelor/Bachelorette Party’s, Super Bowl Sunday, Cinco De Mayo, President’s Day, Administrative Professionals Day and also, on your average Friday and/or Saturday night, and also sometimes on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays (but never on Tuesdays).  St. Patrick’s Day though, that is the biggest Beer Goggle night of the year, and these Timbuk2 Beer Goggles are just perfect, since they are also stylish and covert.  Dig the carrying case.  Find em’:  here (for 25 Euros)

NUMBER 4.     TRAVEL GAMES

You’re gonna cover a lot of ground on St. Patty’s so it’s best to have some travel games on hand to keep you occupied and dehydrated. There’s not much more I can say about this, other than if I ran into a group of people who were playing a game of Pong Head while waiting to get into a bar on St. Patty’s day, I would do 2 things:  #1  High-five them for being so awesome.  #2.  Steel it and run for my life.  Find yours:  Here (just find the end of the rainbow and grab 20 or so gold thingys out of that block pot and you’re covered)

NUMBER 5.     DECORATIONS FOR YOUR BEER MUSCLES

Everyone knows that if you have a tatoo, you are clearly a mean crazy biker dude/lady who can basically kick anyone’s ass.  So, because there is a 79% chance you’ll get into a fight on St. Patty’s day, you should probably make sure those beer muscles look just as tough as you think they are.  Tattoos are obviously the only way to do that and a tattoo that boasts your “irish heritage” makes you even tougher, on this most Irish of days.  Walk into any bar on March 17th with these babies on and I guarantee this song will play while you simultaneously beat up everyone in the bar.  After which you will all become BFF’s and get skunk-drunk together.     Irish Celtic Design Tattoo Sleeves Hurry up and get yours:  here (for $8 bucks).

Happy St. Patty’s to all.  Be smart, safe and have a blast ;) Oh, hey…before you get too crazy, don’t forget to enter this week’s giveaway*, for the chance to win a super-cool custom designed tote by InkHeart Custom Kicks & Caboodle.  Just click here.

(hilarious Saint Patty’s Dog via Sharenater)

(disclaimers)

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Starts at 12:01 a.m. ET on 3/14/12 and ends at 12:01 a.m. ET on 3/21/12. Open to legal residents of the 50 US and DC and the UK, 18 years or older at time of entry. Subject to official rules available below. Void in Northern Island, territories and possessions located outside of the 50 US, DC and UK and where prohibited or restricted by law. This sweepstakes is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by Facebook®, Google™, or Twitter®, or the prize manufacturers. You understand that you are providing your information to the blog five-style-high and not to Facebook®, Google™ or Twitter®, or the prize manufacturer. The information you provide will be used SOLELY for the purposes of selecting and notifying a prize winner, after which the information will be permanently deleted.

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