Tag: Jonesin’

OH, HELLO SPLIT PERSONALITY.

[ 2 ] July 18, 2012 |

I’m a wack-job today.  But first things first:

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My husband’s ringtone for his alarm in the morning is “Eye of the Tiger”.  Eye of the freaking tiger.  You’d think this would get you all ramped up and ready to go for your day, right?  But, no.  Oh, no.  Not for this girl.

At first (like 3 years ago) it was kinda cool…a nice lil’ motivator for waking up and starting your day with fire!  But, now…every time I hear that dumb song, it means I have to open my sleepy eyes & peel myself outta bed.  And, by that time the only exercise I want to be a part of involves me, standing in the Karate Kid pose, drop kicking that dumb song across the bedroom (of course all of this happens in slow motion while this song plays in the background…You’re the best, around!  Nothin’s ever gonna keep you down).

In all fairness, I can’t totally blame the man for this.  As he pointed out with disdain last night before fallin’ asleep, I have SEVERAL alarms that chime in the a.m.  Starting at 6:17.  Yes, exactly seventeen minutes after six. Why?  I really don’t know.  But it doesn’t matter for that long, because the next alarm goes off at 6:30, 7:00, 7:15 and 7:45 (just in case I don’t hear the first 5,000 alarms, I suppose).  But at least my alarms don’t try to be something they aren’t.  They are your old, average run-of-the-mill morning alert signals…no frilly songs, or lyrics, or promptings to be the “eye” of anything.  So, there.

This mindless babble does in fact have a point, which goes a lil’ somethin’ like this- when I heard “Eye of the Tiger” this morning and realized I actually had to get out of bed, I was effing P-O’d -  Grumpy Missgrumperton, Rudy Mcrudypants, Hater Mchaterson.  MAD at the world and that ridiculous ring tone for disrupting my beauty sleep after a very long, and draining yesterday.  The “mood” lasted for several minutes until breakfast happened and husby of the year cleaned the ENTIRE kitchen, and then I got happy.  But that was WAY short-lived because we already ate all of the bananas and it’s only Wednesday. Why wouldn’t that put me over the edge? My current state of mind is actually pretty darn good and quite frankly, I have no explination for this surge of joy.  Are ya pickin’ up what I’m putting down? I’m cerifiable.  Oh, speaking of bananas…

CHICKITY  – CHECK OUT THIS BANANA MADNESS! 

 Um, I’m sorry but I can’t stop staring at the picture to the right, wondering how many minutes flat it would take me to eat all seven jars of these “ready to eat cakes” .  Banana Chocolate Fudge, Banana Peanut Butter, Banana Salted Caramel…I just fainted.

Ok, I’m back…Banana Toasted Coconut…and don’t forget the cheesecakes (including Banana Gingersnap, Banana Strawberry, Banana Tirimisu)!  I passed out again.

Thanks to Bananappeal, we (me and you, and your friends, and my friends, etc) can enjoy “all-natural, ready to eat, banana based” sweet goodness whenever the heck we want.

Syyyyyke. We can’t gorge ourselves on bananas and naughty just yet. According to their Facebook page, they are currently “unavailable” while they handle some “business maintenance”.   Not sure what that means, but I’m going to be praying to the cake-in-jar gods that it happens sometime soon, even though they don’t exactly meet my new eatin’ criteria.

In the meantime, feel free to stalk them along with me at their freaking insanely cute website, Facebook & Twitter pages.  I’m just gonna call them and hang up repeatedly until someone answers.  Hopefully they don’t have caller I.D.

Yey for Banana madness!

(disclaimers)

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THE HEALTHY NUT {MAKES ME WANNA EAT UNTIL I PASS OUT}

[ 0 ] June 13, 2012 |

Really…if I could order 800 pounds of the gourmet granola sold by this super-cutie online shop, I would.  Oh yes… I would.  Then, I would lay around in my PJ’s for like, 10 days or so and live life in a granola-eating frenzy.  I probably wouldn’t even shower.  Just, eat.  And, eat.  And maybe hug or even make small talk with the adorable lil’ jars these fancy granolas come in.  It would be both disgusting, strange,  and fantastic at the same time…and that, my friends, sounds like perfection.

Homies and fellow granolies, introducing “the last granola you’ll ever buy” :

www.thehealthynutonline.com

If yer lookin’ to get your hands on some healthy (and organic) granola, check out The Healthy Nut Gourmet Granola.    There goods are gourmet, vegan, organic, automatic, systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic..you know..greased lightning baby.  Well, maybe that last part was made up.  But, the rest is true – gourmet, vegan, organic.  Made with unsaturated fats and unrefined sugars.  And, their packaging is fab.    Here’s a sneaky peak of what they are offerin’:

Cranberry Orange Gourmet Granola Gift Jar for $9 bucks

Includes: Oats, Almonds, Dried Cranberriers, Turbinado, Coconut, Orange Juice, Olive Oil, Pure Agave Nectar, Pure Orange Oil

I don’t even know what a “Turbinado” is, but sign me up for 4,000 jars, please.

Find it:  here and here

 

 

 

Banana Nut Bread Gourmet Granola, 12-0z bag for $7 bucks

Includes: Oats, Pecans, Walnuts, Coconut, Bananas, Apple Juice, Olive Oil, Pure Cane Brown Sugar, Maple Syrup, Vanilla, Banana Chips, Spices.

You may not know this about me, but I just sold my unborn child for 13 bags of this banana sweetness.  True story…well, maybe not.  But, it could be.

Find it:  here and here

 

 

Can’t decide which one ya wanna try?  How about this delish and totally adorbs Gourmet Granola Gift Jar Set for $35 bucks (includes 4, 1 quart jars; one each of the following flava-flaves:  Oatmeal Cookie, Banana Nut Bread, Cranberry Orange & Gingersnap Cookie).  Find it:  here and here.

My world is complete now.  Happy Wednesday (that is the DUMBEST word to spell, P.S.)

(disclaimers)


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I’M ABOUT TO EAT MY WEIGHT IN ICE CREAM!

[ 1 ] June 6, 2012 |

Here’s what’s about to go down:

Girl ditches diet, pretending she’s still a size zero and hops on the crazy train to the greatest event ever created, ever – Scooperbowl 2012.

Girl takes out 8 small children in a ravenous ice cream eating frenzy.  She tastes all 35 flavors in less than an hour and is named “Scooper Bowl MVP” (only later the title is revoked due to the “taking out 8 children” infraction).  Whatever.

Girl does exactly two hundred and one forward rolls to get herself back home, where she spends the next two days wanting to stab herself in the stomach repeatedly.

It’s going to be….wait for it………..disgusting.  You should probably join me or people will point and laugh at you.

Support the Jimmy Fund:  This fab organization has supported the fight against cancer in kids and grown ups at Boston’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute since the 40′s. They help to raise the chances of survival in cancer patients around the world.  That’s pretty freaking awesome.

Please show em’ some love.  I mean,  if your lactose intolerant, you can still throw em’ a couple dollas .  K.  I’m off to make a fool out of myself for a good cause.

This one’s for you dad ;)

(disclaimers)

Don’t forget to enter the Anatomy Naturals Giveaway!

 

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WELL, THIS IS JUST DUCKY.

[ 1 ] June 4, 2012 |

I find myself in a bit of a dilemma on this fine rainy Monday.  Actually, a couple of dilemmas:

Dilemma #1:  I don’t know about  where you live, but it’s been raining in Boston for like, a year straight now and I’m about ready to take a bridge.  I’ll admit, that normally I’m one of those nut jobs that actually likes the rain.  I don’t have seasonal depression disorder and, more times than not, I find myself getting more annoyed with the bright-ass sun, then a couple-a lil’ sprinkles of water on a gray day.  BUT, this is F-ing ridiculous.  So,  how might I go about kicking the rain in the face?  Accepting suggestions -  Starting…now.

Dilemma #2:  I’m pretty much obsessed with any sort of dried fruit that comes in a bag these days.  As long as it’s just fruit..without any sugar, or shmooger, or added “this and that”, I’m good to go.  Yeah.  I’m a fruit in the bag stalker…I can admit that.  The problem is, that I’ve recently found a fruit in the bag that looks soooooo much like it needs to be in my belly.  BUT, it’s made for kids, which means I have to get pregnant first or steel a baby if I want to eat it.  I’m no expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure that qualifies as a dilemma, with a capital “D”.

Here’s what’s got my ovaries screamin’:

www.littleduckorganics.com

I’m in love with Little Duck Organics already, and their itty-bitty fruit delights haven’t even graced my lips yet.   The only thing that would make them better, is if the fruits were shaped like actual rubber duckies. Here’s what lured me in.

You’ve heard of our crazy delicious tiny fruits right”?  Ummm…yes.

“Dominating the Playground.  Killin’ it at Snack Time”.  I wanna dominate the playground!!  I wanna kill it at snack time!!

Making all the other kiddies say Heyyyyyyy”.  I wanna make the kiddies say “hai!!”.

I mean, come on. You’re hooked too now, right? Yeah, I don’t blame ya. Little Duck Organics Tiny Fruits are 100% real fruit.  They have no added sugar (or zombies apparently) and are suitable for kids 6 months+ (and also adults who are 420 months and up).  Here’s what’s got me salivating:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They are sold at a bunch of different stores on and offline (see list here).  I found these at (gasp!), Diapers.com, and I ordered the hell out of em’ (find em’:  here for $4.29 /each). They actually have a pretty dope coupon right now, which only costs you $11 bucks (if you order) 3 bags (free shipping, if you order a bunch of other stuff under $50 from any of their sister sites).  USE CODE:  LUCKYDUCK

As an FYI, I ordered two of each flavor.  The Apple & Banana, Blueberry & Apple, and Strawberry & Mango.

And, now I have to get the hubby to knock me up so I don’t feel like such a dork.

Ok, Bye.

BE SURE TO CHECK IN TOMORROW FOR THE ANNOUNCMENT OF THE ANATOMY NATURALS GIVEAWAY!

(disclaimers)

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IT’S TIME FOR AN AWESOME LIST OF UNIQUE DONUT SHOPS!

[ 0 ] June 1, 2012 |

Holy donut madness.  Um, first of all..Happy National Donut Day!  Who knew?  I mean, I had NO CLUE that the first Friday of every June for the rest of my life is  going to be National Donut Day.  Which of course means, that the first friday in every June for the rest of my life will now include a ravenous feast of donuts, by yours truly.  I feel like I have a second birthday now.  Mark your calendars!

Well, in honor of this most joyful of occasions, I thought it only fitting to share five (5) uniquely doughpe (get it “dope”, but with “dough”…whatever)…Anyway, I’m going to share five (5) kick-butt-cheek donut shops that I vow to stalk relentlessly for years to come.  Funny, how I was just telling someone that I feel so physically and mentally strong after 2 straight weeks of workin’ out like it’s my J-O-B.  And, now I’m prepared to throw it all away for my second birthday.  Well, maybe not totally throw it away.  But this chick is feastin’ on at least one or donuts today in celebration, fo-sho!  P.S.  I’ll be using the word donut and doughnut interchangeably throughout.  Why?  Cuz’, I’m cool like that, I guess (or, I just can’t spell).  Happy day!

NUMBER ONE (1):     VOODOO DOUGHNUT

This Portland, OR based unique doughnut biz is pretty freaking awesome.  The dude to the left is the shop’s mascot – a Voodoo Doll shaped doughnut filled with raspberry jelly,  topped with chocolate frosting and stabbed with a pretzel stake! I SO wish they delivered nationally b/c I would totally voodoo the hell out of my diet, just prior to eating him.  Other flavors include: Captain My Captain (topped with Captain Crunch!), Butterfingering (topped with Butter Finger Crumbles) and…ahem, Cock and Balls (triple filled with Bavarian Cream).  NAUGHTY!

NUMBER TWO (2):   DOUGH A DEER

I’m sorry but these doughbabies won’t stop staring at me and it’s making me uncomfortable.  So uncomfortable that I’m about to call these peeps up for a custom order of 42 thousand chocolate-bacon doughmamas! (what can I say?  I’m a fatty!).  Seriously though, this shop is 2-legit-to-quit.  They have everything from donuts (all sizes), to these adorable donutpops and even doughtruffles.  They take custom orders, regular orders for gifts, and offer bigger purchases for events (baby showers, wedding showers, I’m totally giving up on my diet showers).  I’m in love.

NUMBER THREE (3):    PSYCHO DONUTS

This “BiPolor” donut is one of many enjoyably insane sweet treats available at Psycho Donuts: “the world’s first and only asylum for wayward donuts”, who has “donutized” everything from hamburgers, French fries, pizzas, tacos, and even ice cream sandwiches.”  So basically, I can still be a total bitch-faced-psycho-nut and eat donuts that don’t look down on me?  Perfect-o!  I’m pretty sure they only deliver in Campbell or San Jose, CA and this makes me sad b/c I want to try these wack-jobs!  At least my Cali weirds can give em’ a try! I’d vote for the Psycho Passionata, the Kooky Monster, or the Michael Jackson.

NUMBER FOUR (4):   HIPPIECAKES (ON ETSY)

I can’t.  I can’t stand how luscious these vegan Mini Sparkle Doughnuts look.  I can’t even figure out what flavor they are, but I don’t care.  They could be for dogs or cats, or vegan or shmegan, and I would likely still eat them, for the pure fact they look like they need to be eaten’.  The bonus?  Hippie Cakes makes even more than donuts.  Basically any allergy, gluten, soy, and dairy free dessert you wish (subject to them actually being able to make it, duh).  Sweet Jesus.  

NUMBER FIVE (5):  MOJO MONKEY DONUTS

Again with the donuts and bacon.  I mean, come on people!  Are you trying to kill me?  I can’t take it!  This Maple Bar with Thick Cut Bacon from Mojo Monkey looks absatootly delectable.  The only bad thing about it is that it’s in Minnesoooooota. So, therefore it probably has the best accent ever, but will never grace my lips (unless they make an exception and start delivering daily to my home).  Check em’ out here!

 

LOOKIN’ FOR MORE SWEET STUFF?  CHECK OUT SOME OF MY OTHER SUGAR GLAZED POSTS:

IT’S TIME FOR A LIST OF THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FAT!

STOP TAUNTING ME CUPCAKE

THERE’S STILL TIME TO BE A PIMP

(disclaimers) (Voodoo Doughnut image via Pumpkinrot.com) (Psycho Donut image via Weekly World News)

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