Oh, Friday and your dumb 13. I woke up this morning laughing to myself about how stupid it is that it’s Friday the 13th and everyone is all superstitious and such. I mean, I have a couple of things (ok, rituals) that I adhere to in certain situations, but for the most part, I don’t consider a particular day unlucky or anything.
(Cue ominous gray cloud of misfortune accompanied with foreboding music)
Anyway, I decided that it would be fun to get on the internets to read all of the “so-called” Friday/13/unlucky combo omens and then poke fun at them, by pointing and laughing. Since then, I have spilled my coffee on my computer (not once, but twice) and one of my favoritest pens decided to stop working (it was brand new). Then, I stepped on a wet cat toy and now, my sock is grotesque and soggy. I’m pretty sure I opened and umbrella in the house, like a month ago, and now I’m fairly certain that they weren’t kidding when they said this day was cursed.
Well, I’m not letting these stooper-stitions ruin my glorious Friday. No siree. No, really – I’m dead serious. There is an entire pile of salt on my shoulder right now and I’ve been spinning in my desk chair clockwise for like, an hour. Hopefully, your day is better than mine so far! Let’s show jerk-face Friday 1.3 and it’s superstious friends that we aren’t taking any crap:
If a black cat walks towards you, it brings good fortune, but if it walks away, it takes the good luck with it: Head on out and get yourself a black cat. This one’s stuffed, so there is no way in H-E double L that he can walk away. What’s that mean? Good fortune for the rest of your life. Hey, cat….guess what? You’re my hostage now.
Black Amigurumi Crocheted Cat for $26 bucks
Find it: here
To break a mirror will bring you seven years bad luck: This one is super-duper easy. Basically, you buy a mirror that will never break. I’m pretty sure that the Barbie Dreamhouse has one. And, maybe even that toy that babies stare at all dopey-like when they are first learning about their own reflection. Lucky for us they have them for big kids too.
And, I’ve just invented a new superstition: Buy an unbreakable mirror and have seventy-two million years of good luck while maintaining the body of a 21-year-old. Boom!
The Harper Mirror for $15 bucks Find it: here
To drop a dishcloth means bad luck is coming: This is the dumbest one yet. I pretty much drop a dishcloth every single day, and I have fantastic amounts of luck (knock on wood). But, if you’re semi-starting to freak out about omens now, I’ve got ya’ covered.
This dishcloth is not only a “dishcloth” but it has a gun on it. I’m 99% sure that if you drop this one and then pick it up really quick while frantically screaming “I’ll bust a cap in your ass!”, then you’ll be totally safe.
Screen Printed Organic Cotton Revolver and Daisy Flour Sack Towel for $8 bucks Find it: here
A loaf of bread should never be turned upside down after a slice has been cut from it: It’s not clear to me what happens if you do turn the loaf of bread upside down, but I’m pretty sure that if you toast the slice you cut and then imprint Darth Vader’s face on it, nothing bad will happen to you ever in your whole entire life.
Darth Vader Toaster for $45 bucks
Find it: here
When washing your hands, do not hand the soap to another person or it’s bad luck: This one is SO easy, it’s like taking candy from a baby. Um, how about Soap on a rope? If you have it around your neck and on your person, its likely that the “other person” won’t try to snag it. To be super safe, you should get Soap on a rope in the shape of the pope. Then, people will just think you are really religious and probably won’t go there in fear of eternal damnation.
Pope Soap On A Rope for $10 bucks
Find it: here
Hopefully these tricks will help you out. Apparently, my hubby thinks that Friday the 13th is only spooky and bad-luckish if it happens in October. He also believes he coined the phrase “win-win”, so take it for what it’s worth. Love you babe;)
(disclaimers) (actual Superstitions via http://listverse.com/2007/09/10/20-weird-superstitions/; http://www.csicop.org/superstition/library/common_superstitions/; and http://www.bored.com/oldsuperstitions/)